I don't know who reads this anymore. Classes are good. Real good. I've made a lot of friends already. Went out to lunch with Andrea today. Fun.

Something has happened that has really put a speed bump in the road for me. But I don't want to talk about it here.

My school schedule has changed somewhat. I start 2 weeks from tomorrow (Aug. 25th).

MW 10:30-11:45 Abnormal Psychology
MW 11:45-1:30 BREAK
MW 1:30-2:45 Psychology of Personalities

TTH 10:30-11:45 Child Psychology
TTH 11:45-1:30 BREAK
TTH 1:30-2:45 I/O Psychology

Sounds good, no? I already have my syllabus for Child Psychology and my grade is worth 75% multiple choice exams and 25% multiple choice and short answer/fill-in-the-blank quizzes. No papers--bummer. Papers are what I'm good at. Oh well. In a class of 125 students, I doubt Dr. Alvarez would want to read that many papers.

Ok, g2g!

So I met this guy...blah blah blah. He lives in London. He's calling me tonight supposedly. We met on CatholicMatch.com

He seems really sweet and nice and gentlemanly. He's 23. I'm 21. La-dee-da

And I'm still thinking, What could this guy possibly see in me worth calling for? Could we possibly hit it off? Would he move to America for me? Would I move to London for him? What a romance! Of course we'd first take trips back and forth...make phone calls.

"This will be...an everlasting love! This will be...[I don't know the rest of the words!]"\\

Just kidding. We'll see what develops. I'll keep you all posted.

We have all these ideas about what we should be, when all we really need to be is ourselves. But some of us ask, Who am I? I believe that the simple answer to that is that we are a complex combination of our genes and our environment. So we can look to our parents for inspiration about our future, and we can look to all of the experiences we've had--those "defining" moments that stick out in our consciousness, determining our physical, emotional, and spiritual makeup. Simply put, we are not "defined" by our experiences; we, in turn, "define" our very own experiences through choice of action and thought and behavior. With these so called choices, we can irreparably mold our genetic form into something very palpable. And so we return to the ill-fated question, Who am I? It's up to you.

This is what science tells me. This is what my own experience in this life tells me. Your own scientific belief and experience will either confirm or deny this statement. And so it is.

Someone once asked me not too long ago what classes I'm taking this coming fall. Or it will really be summer when I really start: Aug. 25th. I'll be taking 4 classes total:

Child Psychology
Abnormal Psychology
Psychology of Personalities
Physical Science of Food

The last class re: food is required as one of my G.E. science classes. I took Human Biology w/ lab at my community college, so that counts for 1 out of 2 sciences. The only other G.E. class I have to take at State is a history class (meh) to complement the American Government class I took at my community college. It goes to count for the American Institutions requirement. I'm not sure if that's just a California thing, or a national thing.

Also to note: My Child Psychology class has 135 people in it. It's a huge lecture hall. I've only been in a class with no more than 35 people in it before, even when I was at Santa Clara University. So it's going to be an interesting experience.

I'm also trying to decide if I want to do a minor in Atypical Child Studies. I don't know if I have time to do that. But then again, I don't have to graduate in 2 years if I don't want to. I can theoretically stay 3 years and still be covered under my mom's health insurance.

Enough school talk.

I went to the State Beach yesterday with my dad. It was a lot of fun. We just sat and relaxed under the sun. Weird, but it was really crowded for a Wednesday afternoon. Don't people go to work? I guess not. Anyways. I was able to study for the Writing Skills Test on the beach that I'm taking this Saturday.

Okay, g2g get ready to volunteer!

CALMNESS IN OUR LIVES

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works and
we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace.

Dr. Phil proclaimed, 'The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished.'

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Scotch, a bottle of Bourbon, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.

Please pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace.

Pass this on to 10 friends, and you'll never believe the surprising things that will spontaneously occur...

Yeah, so I kind of reverted to bad behavior last night. I e-mailed G. I found one of his live journals and one of his xangas (old ones) where he wrote about me. And I told him I found them. Why did I tell him? I don't know. Maybe to make him feel uncomfortable, exposed. I can only imagine though how he feels because he never e-mails me back. And now all I feel is bad about what I did.

On a more positive note, I went to a summer solstice celebration at my new church last night. It was really a lot of fun. We started out with intention setting--writing our intentions for the next 6 months on a little piece of colored paper with ribbon and hanging them on a small tree in the garden. Then we listened to hand drumming and people just sitting around could join in the percussion too. After that we did an inner light chakra meditation with chanting. Then we did Meta Prayer--individual prayer out loud at the same time for different things. Then we did some more drumming, but this time we danced too. And then finally we each planted two small plants in the garden that received a blessing. Fun times.

So after being in a peaceful mood after the solstice celebration, I went and did that crummy thing. Oh well, today is a new day, and I am glad to be alive, thriving.

Questions to meditate on/write about in your journal:

1. What is God's vision for me now?


2. Does this vision enliven me?


3. Does it align with my core values?


4. Will it require me to grow more into my true self?


5. And finally, does this vision bless others?

One day I'll find relief
I'll be arrived and I'll be a friend to my friends who know how to be friends

One day I'll be at peace
I’ll be enlightened and I'll be married with children and maybe adopt

One day I will be healed
I will gather my wounds forge the end of tragic comedy

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete

One day, my mind will retreat, and I'll know god and I'll be constantly one with her night dusk and day
One day I'll be secure, like the women I see on their 30th anniversaries

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete

Ever unfolding
Ever expanding
Ever adventurous and torturous
But never done

One day, I will speak freely
I'll be less afraid
And measured outside of my poems and lyrics and art
One day I will be faith-filled
I'll be trusting and spacious authentic and grounded and whole

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete